Fellow Twits,
Can you believe it?
Yet just another year at it's end as we glance back upon the long and detailed wake of our lives. How do we measure such things? How do we measure a year? Is it by the number of billion dollar bailouts? The number of gold medals an athlete can win? Natural disasters in a year? How about corrupt politicians?
How do you really measure a year?
Shouldn't a year be measured by the smaller things? The little everyday events that, while insignificant alone, fit together to create the interesting and meaningful portraits of our lives? It's the good times, the bad times, the rants, raves, vacations, vocations, blackouts, hangovers, hookups, breakups, overheard conversations, and miniature pontifications that really define us. And how do we measure these things?
By tweets of course.
Without any further ado, I hereby announce the first annual 2008 Twitter Awards, brought to you by yours truly, @debono.
The 2008 Twitter Awards
Lifetime Atwievement Award - @tempusfugate – Without @tempusfugate none of this may have been possible. The Twodfather introduced us to Twitter and its magnificence. A giant collective "twank you" to @tempusfugate.
Best Male Tweeter - @shooman – @shooman's innate tweeting ability sets him high above the rest as this years 2008 Best Male Tweeter. His consistency, quality, variety, wit and 140 character literary genius continue to amaze us all.
Best Supporting Male Tweeter - @debono – I know what everybody must be thinking. How can I give myself such an honor? Let's face it though, I'm really fucking cool and we all know that. I'd be knocking at Best Male Tweeter's door if it weren't for my 15 tweets a day Thailand fiasco.
Best Female Tweeter - @itsmedrew – As a whole all females are seriously lacking in the Twittersphere, but fair is fair and current Washington State discrimination laws requite me to do this. @itsmedrew delivers tweets sharper and wittier than most men I know. Very impressive and enough to earn Best Female Tweeter.
Best Supporting Female Tweeter - @alyssa11 - @alyssa11 is arguably Twitter's Female MVT. However, her lack of involvement in the entire community is suffering. Tweeters are also getting annoyed of consistent tweets of either A.) @alyssa11 missing @tempusfugate or B.) @alyssa11 wanting to have sex with @debono.
Most Offensive Tweeter - @sirdirtybird – This goes without saying. @sirdirtybird is a soulless creature and continually embarrasses himself 10 fold with every hateful tweet creeps into and defiles our innocent cell phones. Fuck you.
Bitterest Tweeter - @jraq - @jraq can truly sit back, observe a pleasant situation and convince everybody around him how horrible life is.
Gayest Tweeter - @srandallgriffin – Because the Twitter handle @roscothestallion doesn't exist yet, @srandallgriffin receives the Gayest Tweeter award by default because he is the only homosexual Tweeter that I know.
Most Annoying Tweeter - @zestfullyclean – Although relatively new on the circuit, @zestfullyclean's perky and worthless tweets lead me to wonder why I have her device updates on at all.
"Doesn't Get It" Award - @lilmuffin – I'll admit, @lilmuffin's getting better, but such incredibly stupid tweets like "Haha" "LOL" or "@shooman, what's up?" cannot be forgotten. That's ridiculously stupid tweeting.
Frattiest Tweeter - @dsummer I'll sum this up in two tweets: "Slob on my nob like corn on the cobb." And "DRIIIIINK!!!!!"
Worst Tweeter - @kylemck – Dude, I know the literal question is "What are you doing?" but come on, can we get something more than when you work a double shift or how long of a nap you just took? This is going to cause a fight.
Mario Award - @jwalking – Nothing outstanding, but never bad. Straight sevens across the board. Nobody every picks Mairo, but you'll never lose if you play with him. Blaaaahhhhhiiiiiii love you.
Hottest Tweeter Award - @lolls – Bangin'!
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Award - @pen151 – If you aren't following this guy already, don't. I quote "Oi oi uh uh fill the water" and "felching is the life for me." 1% genius, 99% retarded.
Twookie of the Year - @lennysfedora – Everybody should look up to this guy. Quality, consistent tweets, involvement with the community. If he wasn't such a n00b he'd be in the running for Male MVT.
And that's all she wrote folks! Please keep in mind that all views and opinions expressed here do in fact accurately reflect the thoughts of myself and a bottle of Christmas wine.
God bless ye all!
-@debono
